¡Buenas días!
I have learned a lot this past week.
This was the first week of my second transfer (a transfer is a 6week
period of time where we serve in an area. You could potentially be
moved every 6 weeks, or every transfer, but the norm is to stay in one
area or with your companion for 2-3 transfers. There are about 8
transfers in a year) and I have been able to see quite distinctly what
a new missionary is like. I know I was new myself just 6 weeks ago but
I already feel really old and learned next to the new missionaries.
Yes, comparison is bad, but I actually gained hope for them and myself
by seeing how much someone can change in such a short time. The
atonement of Jesus Christ is not just for non-members or less actives
but also for good members who are trying their best. I think we (me
specifically) sometimes forget that we need it and should access it
every day.
For example, this morning (Mon. the 2nd) I kinda broke down on Sister
Lewis. She was helping me improve our spiritual thoughts with members
(which we share anytime we have dinner because we are fed by the
members) because mine have been kinda choppy, and I was struggling
emotionally. I felt like although I've been working hard, I'm just not
getting it. My frustration with myself, with Spanish (even though I
love this language), and with being a new missionary all kinda hit me
at once. I was upset because I felt/feel like I'm not doing as well as
I could be, and that I didn't prepare enough before my mission, and
that I'm hindering others because of where I am spiritually.
Sister Lewis, my companion, was very patient with me and helped me
calm down before practicing with me how to share a spiritual thought.
I felt better and now I'm trying to have more patience with myself and
faith that the Lord is working with and through me. It's hard though!
I feel like every flaw that I have, every weakness and doubt, is being
poked at! I know some of it is Satan trying to make me doubt who I am
and why I'm here, but I also know some of it is the Lord trying to
help me get better. Either way, I was just kinda struggling this
morning.
I have grown within these past 6 weeks and I am still growing which is
good, necessary even. The Lord has given me this opportunity to help
and serve others, but also to make me the Latter-Day Saint woman He
wants me to be. He wants and needs me to be the type of woman Pres.
Russell M. Nelson talked about during conference. (Please see lds.org
for the October 2015, Sunday morning session "A Plea to My Sisters")
That's going to take some growth though and growth requires being
uncomfortable in certain ways. I'm comfortable in the knowledge of who
I am and the plan of salvation, but I'm uncomfortable right now in
"what exactly are my strengths?" "How do I need to use my talents and
skills?" I don't know 100% right now, but I'm learning so that is what
is important.
I love being a missionary and I know that it's all worth it if I give
my all to the Lord. The hard is only too much when I loose sight of my
purpose, which is to "invite others unto Christ by helping them
receive the Restored gospel through faith in Jesus Christ and His
atonement, repentance, baptism, receiving the gift of the Holy Ghost,
and enduring to the end." I know it better in Spanish =) This
principle is true though for life in general! The last step of
Christ's gospel is to endure to the end and, personally speaking, we
can't do that without knowing our purpose. We have to keep sight of
why we are and where we are going in order to live Christ's gospel as
perfectly as we can. That's why it is crucial that I share, and all of
those with the knowledge of, the plan of salvation.
That is one of the major things that keeps me going. I know where I
came from and why I am here on earth. I know who I am, a daughter of
God, and where I want to be. I want to live with my family eternally
with God and Christ so I will do all I can now to demonstrate that
desire and willingness. My goal is possible only through the atonement
of Christ, which was Him suffering in the garden of Gethsemane, His
death on the cross, and His glorious resurrection.
I am a missionary for Jesus Christ so that all of my beloved brothers
and sisters can have the same joy, peace, and hope that I have. I am
here, learning and growing, so as to help as many people as possible.
It's what Christ has asked of me, and He asks it of you too, just in a
different way for right now. Pray to know how He would have you build
His kingdom and serve your siblings. You'll receive an answer if you
intend to act on it, I promise.
I struggled this week, but it's all worth is for mortality is but a
small moment in all of eternity, and everyone is worth it.
I love you all and I hope that you're doing well. I hope you're happy.
Remember who you are and learn something this coming week!
Love,
Hermana Lindh
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