Yesterday, Wednesday the 15th, was my 3 week out mark; I have 20 more days until I leave for the Mexico MTC. I feel like I'm ready - I have clothes, the required books, all passwords written down for mom - but at the same time, not. It's a bit of a disorienting feeling.
When I received my mission call in April, I was happy to see that I wasn't reporting until August; that's plenty of time to go shopping! (Bleh =P )And in actuality, it has been nice to have the extra time with friends and family. But, these past couple of months have also been really hard months. Preparing yourself mentally and spiritually for a mission is a difficult task, not in that you have to learn certain things, but rather getting used to the idea of leaving home. I'm going to miss my family a LOT despite the fact that I know that I'm doing what the Lord wants.
I find that for the most part, I'm all good; I'm still the happy-go-lucky girl who's excited to go serve! But, on some days, I'm randomly hit with sadness; I feel like crying and I feel like "I don't want to go". This feeling is just compounded by the feeling/expectation for myself that I should have more faith, that I wouldn't be feeling low if I prayed more or if I was just a bit better. These days are really hard for me because I could be doing just fine, someone asks how I'm doing, and suddenly I'm in tears. I go to my comfort things (playing music, baking, eating) and I'm fine within a couple of minutes.
I wasn't prepared for this aspect of "mission life". In church or from listening to return missionaries, I got the impression that while mission life is hard, that it's AWESOME! Very rarely did anyone talk about how they felt before the mission. I wasn't prepared for the idea that I could possibly not want to go serve after I had received my call.
But, for anyone who is considering going on a mission, or who are moving away for college or work or whatever, I just want you to know that it's okay to feel sad, scared, or even angry. Transitions and changes are part of life but that doesn't mean that they're not hard. It is natural to feel these things! To me, I would take it as a good sign that you have formed meaningful connections and are reluctant to leave them! =D
The months before your mission, or a big move, etc. are going to be difficult emotionally and spiritually and that's okay. Take each day as it comes, hour even (I have to do that often) to help keep yourself from feeling overwhelmed by your feelings. I have found, for myself at least, that I can overcome these feelings by finding a way to serve. Both ancient and modern-day prophets have counseled us to loose ourselves in the service of others:
1) Mosiah 2:17
2) Joshua 24:14-15
3) Psalms 100:2
4) Mormon.Org - Helping Others
I have found for myself that when I'm struggling, I can turn to my Heavenly Father for comfort and support. He loves me and hears my prayers. When you are having a hard time, you can always turn to Him. Take heart and keep faith, because we can do this.
P.S. These are some of my favorite songs to help me feel better. Enjoy!
How Can It Be - Lauren Daigle
Glorious - David Archuleta
What Heaven Sees In You - Doug Walker
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